Finding Meaning in Life & Cultural Value in Niles

There is a Buddhist temple not far from our house with two large statues in front – one of a red faced angry revengeful figure 

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and the other of a beautiful peaceful woman dressed in white.  These do not represent ‘gods’ but represent instead the potential within each of us to make daily choices about how we will deal with others. 

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In fact within a single day there are times that we are like the angry red-faced guy and times that we do kindnesses for others. The figures serve as a visual reminder of the choices open to us all the time.  

In Niles we have several varieties of Buddhists: Thai,Japanese, Cambodian,and the newest is the Chinese Buddhist church that I spoke of above. Some Chinese Buddhist temples also include elements and figures from the Taoist tradition - which I suspect is true for the figures above.

The Buddhists speak of of seeking a middle way – avoiding the excessed of overindulgence and self seeking and avoiding the extreme renunciation of all things “of this world”.  They advocate a process of practicing mindfulness – of developing a calm demeanor by learning to rid the mind of excess ‘noise’. 

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Living in multicultural Fremont I have frequent encounters with people of many traditions and belief systems. Knowing individuals and being open to talk is my way to learn – For me its about listening and asking questions.  I am not being ‘converted’ to their belief system... but I can find much of value to learn from each.

Monday is the start of the season of Ramadan, a month long time set aside for spiritual renewal for Muslims.   Fasting is expected of all adult Muslims, except those who are ill, traveling, pregnant, or diabetic.   Fasting of food and beverages is continuous from  dawn until sunset for the entire month.

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Food and drink is served daily, before sunrise and after sunset.  According to Islam, the rewards of keeping true to Ramadan result in a practical refocusing of your life.  I recall the pride that my Muslim students felt in meeting the daily challenge.

Interesting Christian article on Ramadan:  “Christians need a Ramadan” http://www.christiancentury.org/blogs/archive/2011-08/christians-need-ramadan

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Ramadan is measured by the lunar calendar from one new moon to the next – this results in the season slowly shifting through the calendar year – This year will be particularly trying in the Northern Hemisphere because it is occurring during the season of maximum heat. (Remember... no drinking of water during daylight hours).  Now is the time to send electronic ecards to your Muslim friends ( just do a Google search for Ramadan cards - then click "images"...

We also have a major Sikh Gurdwara (temple) not far from our house.  The Sikh people are  from the Punjab region of northwestern India and have roots in the Hindu tradition – but they are monotheists like Christians and Muslims.

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They base their religion on a holy book, which in read in every service. They are noted for requiring all men to perform 5 duties: Five Ks: uncut hair (Kesh); an iron/steel bracelet (kara); a Kirpan, a sword tucked in a gatra strap; Kachehra, a cotton undergarment; and a Kanga, a small wooden comb. Baptized male Sikhs must cover their hair with a turban, while baptized female Sikhs can choose to wear a turban.  Since the men keep their hair for a lifetime, they need to turban to keep it covered.

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 One thing I especially admire about the Sikhs is their open generosity of maintaining an open dining room with a selection of freshly prepared spicy Sikh dishes offered free to everyone.  You take a metal tray with compartments, pass through a cafeteria line get “chai” tea to drink and then sit on the floor and eat with the Naan bread as a scoop.  I once went over to register voters and was treated with great hospitality and kindness. The food was delicious.

Judy and I are active members of a Christian community church in Niles formed by the merger of a United Church of Christ church and a Disciples of Christ church.

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It has been a healthy practice to join two congregations – while we agree very well on theological issues there are church practices that differ and these have had to be ironed out... no great conflict but it still requires careful give and take. 

To understand us better- take a look at our statement of belief :  http://www.nilesdiscoverychurch.org/ndc.php?page=Beliefs

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Many churches of different denominations, in America and around the world, are aligning themselves with the principles of the Christian Progressive Movement.  We strongly identify with that tradition.  To find out what Progressive Christians believe visit: http://progressivechristianity.org  Click on "About us"... then take a look at the 8 points.  These are not requirements, but a growing number of churches are moving toward the new areas of focus.

We have no Jewish synagogues, Hindu temples,  or Taoist centers  in the Niles area - but they are located elsewhere in Fremont.

"It's the law...!"

Photos this week are fireworks for the 4th of July, Photos of San Francisco, and school posters...

Wednesday June 26 was a memorable day for the GLBT (gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender) community in the Bay Area.... With the passage of the two Supreme Court decisions, marriage between two people of the same sex is now legal in California and the federal restrictions on recognition of same sex marriages is removed. To top it off, this is the weekend of the SF gay pride parade – the most ‘out’ day in the year ...it will be a major celebration this year!

Fourth of July fireworks

‘We were happy and gay riding the school bus today!”  Such was the meaning of “gay” just a few decades ago.... Today when I visit high school classrooms I sometimes hear “That is so gay!”...  Used this way the term is a serious insult and a challenge – This ignorance about the GLBT issue goes deep into our cultural history.  With adolescents (and some older folks too) the issue is often the person’s insecurity about his or her own sexual identity – their fear that “it might happen to them...” Safer to laugh about it and call someone else “gay”...or to blame gays for being the way they are.

San Francisco

I grew up in a small Central California city where ‘there were no gays or lesbians”  - not overtly anyway... it was a taboo topic.  No one recognized or talked about it.   Oh, some people twittered about the two middle-aged librarian ladies who lived together – but they were such “nice people” and it was wonderful that they could find mutual company in each other.

It wasn’t until I went away to college that I really encountered the issue – Living in the dorm, young college guys were naturally curious about sex and asked questions about the gays and lesbians in San Francisco – There were ( and are )  many myths floating around...

Coit tower neighborhood - SF

1.     “You can always tell if someone is gay by the way they act, look, and talk”.  Not true -  

2.     “ I don’t want my child to have any contact with a gay person– they might influence him or her to become gay.” A person is not recruited to being gay. It isn't an infection.

3.     “Just look at how his mother coddled him – that’s why he turned our gay.” Having a dominating mother (or father) does not produce gays

4.     “ It’s a decision they make – they could decide to stop being gay if they wanted to.”  Someone does not choose to be gay – it’s not a decision to be made.

5.     “There are counseling programs that can ‘cure’ a person of being gay.” These programs can only repress the natural inclination of the person by playing on their guilt or by inducing fear. They are still gay.

Fireworks - Oaxaca 

So what causes a person to be gay or lesbian? It is still largely an unanswered question.  Studies show that most gay individuals recognize at an early pre teen age that they are different. Most gays experience no sense of choice about their sexual orientation,  their choice is about "coming out" or staying hidden. One guess is that there may be unidentified complex genetic/chemical factors.  Another hypotheses is that it is a genetic/chemical event in the embryo or shortly after birth. Homosexuality is natural in some other mammals – not just humans. Cats, dogs, horses, cows for examples...

In some cultures homosexuals were honored as Shaman or wise men.  In other cultures they became the priest class.  In some Native American cultures they became medicine men given special power and prestige. And in some cultures they are figuratively or actually stoned to death.

Fireworks - Oaxaca 

Can you imagine the intense heart sick pain of having to live life pretending to be someone that you know you are not – and then surreptitiously finding opportunities to practice your true identity in secret? Living in fear of being ‘found out’? This kind of life style can lead to despair, a distorted personality, or at least a sad unfulfilled existence. It can even result in suicide  ( all to common ). The fortunate ones grow up in an open and accepting environment.  Some find a sympathetic counselor to help lead them into an open and honest life.  It can't be easy to "come out of the closet" - but people who do, describe it as a freeing experience. Of course some parts of the US are more willing to accept openly gay people than others.

Bulletin board invitation - Teens can have many sorts of conflicts for which they need help...

I did not learn to feel comfortable with GLBT people until I had a program supervisor who is lesbian.  I have come to admire and like this woman as a person. I have come to feel at ease with her and enjoy her company.   All it takes is knowing one individual to break through  the pattern of prejudice and ignorance... Since then, I have worked with others both lesbian and gay... they are like all of us... some I feel friendly with and some I have difficulty relating to.  I was a little slower coming to feel comfortable with gay men – because I did not have  interactions with any... When Judy and I became members of a church with several openly gay men and women,  we found gay people active in leadership roles, good 'idea' people, funny, easy to talk to...  With them I learned that gay men are much like the rest of us. We have invited them into our home and enjoyed good conversations.  It doesn't taint me to enjoy being with them as friends.

School hall way poster -Oakland

We see gay and lesbian couples who are in long term committed relationships – some lasting a lifetime.  I know two dear sweet professional woman who are powerful forces in their community and firmly committed to each other – they own a beautiful home, enjoy their dogs, and maintain their garden... just like the rest of us.

I am about as heterosexual as you can be – but my life has been enriched by becoming open to people with different sexual orientations.  This has largely occurred because of the open attitudes about GLBT peoplle living in the Bay Area.  (The lives of gay folks can still be a challenge here - there are still homophobes lurking about.)  For me, it only took working along-side people different from me  to find that we have much more in common than we have differences. 

Addiction!

Let me tell you about addiction.  Among Swedes, coffee is a big deal!  When I was about 14 my Swedish aunt started urging me to have a little coffee after family dinners.  (When asked if someone wanted more coffee after the first cup, my uncles would answer “fem droppar mer!”... “Five drops more!”).  I added lots of milk and sugar to mine and liked the flavor... Little bit, little bit I became a regular coffee drinker.

Now decades later I am physically hooked.  First thing every morning I “need” my 2 cups of coffee to shake off the cobwebs.  If we are staying with someone that announces that they serve decaf, I start calculating when and where I can get my “fix”. Going without can actually lead to a headache and a very grumpy state.   We have even started packing a little coffee when going on a trip “just in case”. Now that’s addiction.!

Graffiti on a Niles wall

My other encounter with addiction started when I went away to college.  It seemed like the cool thing to do was to smoke cigarettes.  Like other addictions I started with one once in a while, then daily after dinner, then more frequently.  Eventually I was smoking over a pack a day.  I suppose at the very start the smoking was enjoyable – but after a while it only made a certain tension, dissatisfaction, go away for a while.  That and it just got to be habitual... something to do...

Sign in a Modesto coffee house

I thought about quitting, I resolved to quit, and I failed over and over.  An office secretary once told me that smoking made my breath smell really bad.  A doctor told me that I was endangering my health... and that got to me ... I resolved to quit.   Seriously!  At about the same time I met my future wife, Judy, who was a great encouragement to me.  I had two strategies  given to me by by doctor.  If I felt like I wanted to smoke I took a shower... (it is not possible to smoke in the shower). I got to be very clean those days!.  I also carried a pocket full of "Grape Nuts" to munch on when I felt the urge to smoke.  ...Something about mouth stimulation as a substitute... It was one day at a time for a while – but I quit – and that was many decades ago.  This was a serious physical addiction! ( Research tells us that it takes 21 days to really change an ingrained habit. - and that seems true for me.)

Yuck!

I am not overweight but I have had a challenge for years to deal with eating responsibly.  My wife and I normally try to eat a lot of healthy protein and vegetables.   Every few days I add fish or legumes (lentils, beans, etc.) just like I am supposed to..  The “three great evils” that I try to avoid are foods with processed sugar, foods with saturated fats, and foods with excess salt.  I am good most of the time – but if I attend a potluck or a party and I see deserts and party foods all laid out ... something clicks in my brain.

Political fund raiser

 First I tell myself that I will just have just  one cookie, and before I know it I have eaten way too much.  Is that an addiction?  It isn’t a physical response so its not physical addiction, but it is definitely a psychological addiction.

Pot luck near Corning  N. Cal.

Thank goodness I have never had an addiction for alcohol.  I enjoy an occasional beer or glass of wine.  But it’s not something that I seek out daily. To me a glass of wine before dinner, sitting with friends or family is a great pleasure.

Wine

In my teen age years I had a summer job spraying for mosquitos on irrigated farm land in the San Joaquin Valley – My “beat” included a couple of small migrant towns – where we often went to eat lunch midday.  There I met a variety of down and out “winos” – impoverished  men (usually) who by hook or by crook managed to get enough money each day to buy their dose of Thunderbird fortified wine.

Wino

A couple of them frequently come to talk with us and we often shared food with them. I  found them to be complete human beings aside from their uncontrollable addiction.  What caused it? ... Did they inherit the tendency ...?  Was it their difficult life experience?  ... Or did they just start on a slippery path that led them to this life?

Two winos

 Maybe part of all three.  I just know that I met intelligent capable people whose only goal of life was to get their daily alcohol.  Most of their daily calories came from alcohol, so they were often malnourished.  This condition can lead to “pink elephants” and  worse... It is a downward spiral.

Graffiti on Oakland Wall 

Working with Teach for America these last years I had reason to visit some very distressed neighborhoods in Oakland.  In some neighborhoods the unemployment rate is approaching 30%.  No one wants to hire workers with no education, no job training, and a poor work record... The only “profession” open to some is selling drugs from the street.  And they are openly visibly.

Some buyers come in from outside but some are local.  Cocaine, crack cocaine, and heroin are real and powerful forces of destruction to individuals and to communities. Their use is surrounded with sadness, loss, and despair.

Altered state -

You and I probabily knows lots of different additions.  I know people addicted to electronic games, gambling, jogging, ice cream, reading, handball, TV novels, baseball, pho... no end to what we humans can be addicted to... Granted there is a fine line between things you just like to do and things that you feel drawn to, compelled to do.  I've got 'em - You got 'em too.